Heavily Broken
by BeyondBirthday'sBestie
Summary: When L finds out that Light is Kira, he feels so betrayed and yet, still loves Light with all his heart...SPOILERS! LxLight Might continue
1. When It All Went Wrong

"Why..." he starred at the evidence infront of him. He clutched the papers in his hands, the videotape looping itself to show the teenage boy with a pen and notebook...a DeathNote, to be exact. L felt his hands shaking, his breath coming out in choppy, short intakes. His eyes stayed glued to the video, although, his vision began to blur from the tears welling up in the corners of his obsidian eyes. The papers gently fell, one by one, from the detective's pale white hands. Light Yagami was kira...Kira was Light Yagami...it all made so much sense. Why did L have to let his guard down? He had been defeated by love, and he hated it. His chest began to sting violently, as if he had been shot through the heart...or had he? No, not shot...stabbed. Stabbed in the back. Pain shot through him like fire in his veins, as he clutched him shirt near his chest and curled up into a ball in his chair. He bit the fabric on his sleeve to stop from screaming. Why...why did it have to hurt so much? L couldn't be strong any longer. He couldn't stand up to the pain anymore. It was all too much to bear for one person.

"H-how could you do this, Raito? How can you be that heartless?!" he yelled into the silence, whipping his arm across the desk space, making all the object that inhabited it fall to the ground with a loud 'crash'.

"You...you took advantage of me...you knew how weak I was...what kind of monster are you?!?" He cried to the darkness. L's first mental breakdown...here's one to go down in the history books, kids. L's eyes darted around the floor, looking for something that must of fallen off the desk after her spur of anger. He found a paperclip lying all alone by his chair, swiftly picking it up and unfolding it from it's bent parts. Then, in his hands, he had a long metal wire, sharp enough to prick one's finger. He fingers shook as well as his hand, so he had to work quickly. He wasn't going to live with the shame of his defeat because of that brunette killer. He took the metal to his throat, feeling everything inside him shake like an inner organ earthquake. He closed his eyes and pushed the metal to the darkblue vein in his neck. He pushed until he felt the skin break and a small tear drop of blood run down his neck. It replaced the pain he felt in his heart and head...they both ached and throbbed...

"Ryuuzaki?" that voice caused a rush of blood to run down the older boy's neck, as he quickly hid the piece of metal behind his back. The glow of Light's eyes as he entered the computer-screen lite room caused an eye sore for L.. He tried to hide his tears as best he could. Maybe the red light the computers gave off would hide his eyes. Light's smile radiated a sincerity that struck L like a baseball bat to the head. Light casually walked over the the detective who was curled up in the corner, knees to his chest. He tensed up at the very touch of Light's hand on his shoulder.

"Ryuuzaki, are you okay? You have blood on your neck..." Light trailed off, running his ice cold fingers gingerly across the small trail of blood on the boy's neck. L just nodded shyly, pressing his back further against the wall. Light chuckled under his breath and sat infront of the detective.

"Calm down, Ryuuzaki. I'm not gonna hit you...you know that," Raito's closed his eyes and pressed his lips against L's own frail and quivering ones. L kept his eyes open even as Light wrapped his arms around his neck. He just couldn't do it...he knew about Kira...he had to turn Light in. Light pulled away from L, a small grin on his lips.

"Come on Ryuuzaki," Light tugged on L's sleeve, "come with me," L shook with fear for a moment or so before being pulled up from off the cold, lenolium floor and into an even darker room, unsure of his fate, but he had a pretty good guess...


	2. How?

He felt weak all over, sore and confused. He looked at the sleeping teen that laid next to him, breathing steadily. His chocolate brown hair was scattered all across his face, a content look graced his features, giving him an angelic look. It made L's stomach churn and overflow with nausea. He bit his lip to stop himself from uttering out a low whimper of discomfort. He slid from under the covers, looking at himself from the waist, up. He had small bruises going up and down his hip, and three on his neck. He shuddered, remembering how he go the bruises. He went for his jeans, slipping them on carefully and quietly. He then when for his white tee shirt that lay ascew on the floor. He slipped it on over his head, hoping the fabric wouldn't rub against his neck. He grimaced, as the fabric tugged at his neck painfully, and quietly tried exiting from the room. He saw Light gently stir, but tilted his head towards the pillow and mumbled something inaudiable. L entered the next room, where he was Watari standing, as if waiting for L to say something. But, for this, there was no answer. L walked shamefully over to the computers and sat himself down in his chair, looking down pitifully. Watari debated whether he should ask L about what happened, but he was sure he knew the answer.

"Ryuuzaki...is there anything you need?" Watari's voice boomed in the silence. L's head stayed in a straight stare at the ground, his neck swinging his head from side to side.

"No, but...thank you, Watari," what L wanted to say was 'could you go get me my dignity back? and maybe my life?' but what kind of reply is that? L ran his fingers through his tangled and uneven black hair, wishing he would have the guts to rip it all out and take a gun to his head. He, then, heard the door creak open as Light entered the room, his boxers hanging off his hip and a smile dripping from the corner of his mouth. L froze completely, afraid to turn his head to see what lay before him. Light, once more, strolled over to where L stood and wrapped his arms around his waist, resting his head on L's shoulder, nuzzling his nose into the boy's hair.

"Konichiwa," Light muttered huskily," Lawliet..." L shook from head to toe, feeling Light's mouth morph into a smirk against the skin on his neck.

"You should of never fallen in love with me, Lawliet...because now I have your name _and_ your face...so, I do believe you should do exactly as I say...we wouldn't want an epidemic over the loss of the 'centuries greatest detective,' would we?" L's skin crawled from the icy tone in Light's voice. He could of cried if he didn't have a sliver of pride left in his body. Once Light's grip on the detective's waist was released, L fell to his knees. Raito sneered and gave L a good kick in the ribs. L held his chest, biting his lip to hold back a scream.

"Like I said, L Lawliet, we'll see who wins after this is done,"

L hoped that the Light he knew and loved would come back, because he wasn't enjoying this side of his lover. Like the dark side of the moon, L was afraid to know what inhabited the other side.


	3. Justice

The clock ticked on the wall, a chime that sung in the detective's ears and pounded against his head like a hammer. He couldn't do this anymore. He couldn't be afraid every waking moment of his life. That just didn't seem right. He fidgeted and shook everytime someone called his name, Light or not. L reviewed the tape he had discovered months before over and over, just to make sure he didn't miss any details. Yes, Light was kira. That was the only explination and it was also the only answer. He was going to confront the boy and end the blackmail once and for all, but when he actually walked up to the brunette, his heart ended up in his throat and his brain stopped functioning. He hated himself for it so much. His weakness...his kryptonite.

"Ryuuzaki, come here. I need to discuss something with you," L tried not to whimper as the boy dragged him into an office room, a smug look plastered on his face. Raito locked the door, a 'click' filled the air, making the detective jump. No...this wasn't going to happen again. No more being afraid. No more being scared of what lie instore for himself. L took a tight grip on the chairarm, grinding his teeth together subconciously. Light's face turned to a serious one, as he shut the blinds, creating a darkness that L feared ever so.

"That tape...I want that tape, Ryuuzaki," Light's voice hissed commandingly, making the detective's grip even tighter on the chair fabric.

"No, Raito, you may not have that tape. It is the evidence that can prove you are Kira. Why would you think I would give up so easily?" L hissed back, with less emotion then he should of had. Light grinned like he had before and strided over to the black-haired man. He leaned into the detective's face, oh-so close, as Light's breath caused a hideous shiver to go down L's spine. Raito chuckled to himself before answering in a deep, murderous voice, like one would use before putting the knife into someone's heart.

"Because...you wouldn't ever betray me. You have a lost faith in me. You think you can change me, the way I think and feel, but your wrong. Kira is justice, L, and soon enough, you'll learn that. I'll teach you to accept it. Accept that the world is changing. And your ways of creating a resolution are at an end, Lawliet. I have all the power I need now, thanks to you. You have managed to make Kira even stronger. How? Simple: because you are becoming weaker than ever. You let your guard down and this is what you get..." Light's voice trailed off closer to the end of his sentence, turning into whispers and mumbles. L froze in place, his eyes burning holes through Light's head, the obsidian orbs flickering in the light seeping through the blinds. Like he told himself earlier...he wasn't going to lose to Kira. He was justice...he knew that he was. He was going to prove it all...L stood up confidently, pushing Raito aside and managing a dark glare.

"No, Light. You will _not_ win this fight. You will _not_ become justice, and you will _not _trick me any longer. I don't love you Light...I never did..." L spat, seaping out emotion like poison over every word,"and I will prevail. You cannot threaten me. Why? Because I have nothing to live for. If I die, the world shall burn and what domain would you possess power over then, Light? Who would be your followers if the only thing left was chaos and destruction?" L felt empowered and strong, like he had returned and gotten back into the race, but it all fell back down like a tower of cards...

_How can he seduce me like this?_

_One little kiss and I fell apart..._

_I promised myself I wouldn't do this..._

_I'm a goner now..._

_Light...why? _

_I've become so heavily broken, what could put my heart back together?_

_Maybe death is a solution..._

_Maybe justice can prevail..._


	4. Render Me Useless

Something you could reach out an touch; infinity. Endless miles of perfect, flawless life at the reach of ones hands. Everything passes by you, your life, your dreams, everything you've ever felt...everything you've ever touch...everything in your life. A flash, a drawing, a perfect sketch of a circle. Life. You watch it explode; you watch it all pass you by, leave your soul and join the rest of infinity. You watch it string out, as it's being sucked like nectar from your body. Does it hurt? No...you feel numb. Comfortably numb. So numb, it feels so wonderful. Every bit of pain that you feel before death, all seems to vanish into the stream of infinity. Nothing seems real, nothing seems complete, but you feel so much better knowing that you are in the hands of fate. Everything is perfect...

Until you see those dark eyes, starring you down and burying your heart deep below the lines of conciousness. Those dark, crimson eyes steal every precious memory you hold tight and turns them into your worst fears...you cry for hours on end, wanting it all to stop. You freeze in fear. You wait for death to come, beg for it to take you away. You feel your hope shatter, and the glass reflects the fear.

You see those eyes...the dull blue that now fills them, like water in the ocean. The everchanging, everlong color melts away your tears. The schizophrenic memorabilia haunts the orbs, yet only lingueres like tension in the air. You are washed with confusion, and everything seems dark...and you fade away, crazed and tired and pained and scared and wanting and wishing and crying and dying and lusting and hurting and fearing and wondering...why?

"Ryuzaki...come on, answer me! Please..." the voice pleaded, cried out to L. Everything was dark...everything was numb and cold. Something warm touched his frail hand, making it's way to his cheek. Obsidian meshed with honey brown, and collided with grace. The angel's eyes were bleak and weary, but everything seemed to fall into place. Light smiled sweetly before hugging his superior, tightly wrapping him in an embrace unlike any other. L just sat, blood running down his neck, wet and warm. Light looked back at the trail on L's neck and tears poked at his eyes.

"Why...why would you do this to yourself?" his voice begged for an answer, or maybe just a simple explination. When L looked back into the golden that was Light's eyes, all he could see what the warmth that melted away at Kira and let Light be free.

"Because, Light...I'm afraid...I'm scared of everything...most of all," his hand reached at Light's cheek,"I'm afraid of you," the words cut through Light to the point that made him crumble. He clasped onto L and began to sob without end.

"...I know, I know...I-I can't stop Kira, L...I can't suppress him...but I love you. S-s-so...p-please don't leave me here...," Light pleaded, soaking L's shirt with salty tears. The cold surrounded L and he felt a sudden urge to cry himself. But instead, he answer softly to Light:

"I've been rendered useless, Yagami...what's the point of trying to love a monster?" and from then on, the audiable tear of Light's heart haunted L for the rest of his life.


End file.
